10 All Time Greatest Video Game Weapons
We've come a long way from the days of murdering each other with bare hands on mud-slicked battlefields. Nowadays, we've got all manner of virtual armaments with which to settle our differences. Weapons have certainly made strides since the middle ages, when rickety trebuchets flung plague-infested bodies over castle walls. Such advancements in modern warfare are a firm part of our culture's fondness of wicked widgets, and in turn they make a definite impression on the way we play our games. The following list is a brutal buffet of contraptions that are some of the most satisfying ways to dish up more than a mere smidgen of death to those loathsome ne'er-do-wells.
#10 The Buster Sword with Knights of the Round Table Materia- Final Fantasy VII
Coming in last in the lineup is the infamous blade belonging to that androgynous he-she Cloud Strife. This blade's true power is realized when combined alongside the legendary "Knights of the Round Table" materia. Once these shiny magic balls are thrown into the mix, blondie will suddenly wield hoards of distilled souls that relentlessly gangbang baddies and assure the sweet smell of victory. Even though the buster sword's latent prowess is only discovered after copious amounts of experience farming, the rewards are sufficient to land it the number ten spot on the list.
#9 Claws of Hades-God of War III
Being one of the first weapons you obtain in Kratos daddy-killin' journey, the raw slaughter power of these hellish claws is not necessarily what sets them apart. Half romantic and half sadistic, it's the idea of sucking out souls to punish all in opposition that surely sparks a twisted grin of satisfaction.
#8 The Gatling Laser- Fallout 3
Fast, futuristic, and unrelenting, this gauche tool of torture is so painful that it would make Richard Gatling roll over in his grave. Instead of a bullet boring a tunnel through a cranium or two, this speedy laser cannon is able to cauterize its way through flesh and bone, making it a much more ruthless end to a mutant's heinous existence.
#7 The Plasma Pistol and Melee-Halo
The energy sword is obviously a more capable method of forcibly ending a friend's virtual life on the multiplayer map, however it's so effective that many multiplayer heats are organized in order to prevent it from spawning altogether. If you still have a desire to be equally as cheap and just as amateur, then whip out a plasma pistol and a clenched fist. A fully charged plasma pistol will take down a shield faster than Jenna Jameson drops her pants; couple that with a judo chop to the skull and you have yourself a winning combination.
These hypos of hurt are a wildly creative concept, adding a whole new dimension to the conventional notion of how a battle is won. Normally a volley of supersonic lead sent downrange to silence evil doers is a rather impersonal way to strut your stuff on the battlefield; that is...until plasmids came along. Shooting up these strange concoctions literally brings godlike powers to your fingertips. Feel free to shock the dickens out of anyone who is dumb enough to waltz right into a puddle of water, or just lob napalm goo-balls at a few deep-sea tards for a truly rewarding kill that makes your butt pucker. Just be careful not to share your needles.
#5 Odd Job, The Golden Gun, and Proximity Mine Combo-James Bond
Nothing quite has the ability to break the tension in a heated 4-player N64 game like a wallop on the arm because you were the douche that had to pick Odd Job. His midget...excuse me..."little person" stature of stealth makes him an invisible knee capper who effortlessly rolls out frustrating red death-screens with a Golden Gun shower and "tactfully" placed proximity mines. Never underestimate the power of a Napoleon complex.
#4 The Lancer-Gears of War
The Lancer is a high-caliber, slug spitting machine gun that makes mince meat out of mutant cave dwellers in more ways than one. A clever answer to the question "What happens when I run out of ammo?" this gun is definitely a marvelous way to do some impromptu drawing and quartering. Don't feel guilty if you snarl while performing bodily deconstruction, it's almost impossible not to.
Big F.ing Gun. Yeah...'nuff said.
#2 Gravity Gun-Half Life 2
Wouldn't it be cool to have a Hulk hissy fit without the need to replace those expensive Lucky Brand jeans? Wait a second...you can! The Gravity Gun from Half Life 2 makes throwing things around more scarring than your girlfriend after she caught you cheating. Grab desks, bars, people, barrels of gas, or whatever else strikes your quick wit of destruction and throw it mercilessly upon targets whose end is met through sheer physical force. Thanks Newton!
#1 The Rail Gun-MGS4
Yes the Rail Gun has made an appearance in Quake II, but this particular model is a less pixellated and less archaic version of that beautiful death machine. Using a magnetic charge to accelerate projectiles to an enormous velocity, the Rail Gun will easily pulverize Gekos and PMC's with its three levels of charge. Even though the rate of fire and reload speed are quite low, it earns the top spot due to its level of real world feasibility. If the Superman ride is any example of using magnetism in conjunction with perfectly timed electrical pulses to accelerate even a group of obese out of towners from 0-60 in 2 seconds, then it's only a matter of time before that technology is brought down to size.
Post author: Coty Biggs
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